A pastor friend of mine has been through some difficult days. He had several personal health crises, then had a really good friend who faced one. A family member of a core family in his congregation faced one and he sojourned with them for over a year until she finally succumbed to her illness. All of this while leading his congregation through COVID, shutdowns, and now a looming financial crisis that were all the result of the last two years.
It is no surprise that he’s faced a leadership crisis in his church with key leadership leaving and turning against him. Now that family Is working from the outside in to undermine his leadership and tear the church apart (not surprising considering the church and it’s leaders have had loss upon loss which led to grief). Anger and its extremely dysfunctional cousin, rage, are the dark underbelly of grief.
Psychologists refer to these intense emotions as “bereavement anger.” The brain is profoundly changed as a result of grief. Traumatic loss is perceived as a threat to survival, which results in protective survival and defense mechanisms being activated (psychic defenses).
People have taken hit after hit which has resulted in trauma upon trauma and loss with very little time to heal, and now we have the added pressure of another looming crisis. People are on edge. Young men are shooting up our churches, schools, hospitals and other workplaces. Rage, it seems, is becoming the norm.
The Church has the answer, but we must turn to Jesus, and if necessary trusted Christian counselors, to recognize our grief and the source of our pain. Too often we look for simplistic quick fix solutions. Grief and loss must be faced. It takes time. There is no such thing as a shortcut as much as we may pray for one. Only after we are healed can we be the light and salt of the earth Jesus called us to be.
While research continues to reveal fewer people believing in God, it doesn’t mean they do not desperately long for one. They just need one worth believing in.
Here are a few steps we can take with God towards healing. Practice these at least once every day:
- Invite the Holy Spirit to journey with you in prayer.
- Journal. Writing your feelings will enable you to recognize progress and process your feelings safely.
- Relaxation and breathing-Find a quiet place. I like relaxing music and low light. Slowly breathe in deeply over about 30 seconds and release it equally slowly.
- Some counselors use Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR). This is the closest thing to a shortcut that exists.
- Creativity-this helps distract the brain from the pain while allowing you to process it.
Perhaps we could learn from the journey of the man at the pool of Bethesda. Instead of laying around waiting to get healed and spewing our grief on those around us, get up and take Jesus’ healing hand. The world needs Jesus and the Church is God’s chosen messenger to deliver the good news.
As long as those of us who claim to believe in Jesus respond to grief like everyone else, our lights will be hidden and our salt will be bitter. But if are willing to do the hard work of not only recognizing our grief but intentionally seeking healing instead of squashing it down deep inside only to have it burst out into the open like a breached dam when we are under duress, I believe people will be drawn to our light like a moth to a flame.